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  • Writer's picturePamela Cosel

Abbott & Costello For Modern Times: Who's on First?

We are all astonished at the progression of events in our country since Covid-19 appeared. There is in-fighting, anger, controlling attitudes, and loss of our daily freedoms. Not to mention concern for our children's futures. Here is one take on it by author Mark Hyman, copied from a friend's social media page. It is succinct, funny-not funny, and makes perfect sense. Remember "Who's On First?" This is in the same tone. Read and ponder.

Bud & Lou Abbott and Costello Discuss the Pandemic [and they] know “who’s on first”, and they’re under oath this time. [You figure out who the smart one is here. RF]

by MARK HYMAN American Spectator - September 19, 2021, 11:43 PM

Bud: I got my vaccination. I am now protected from the virus. Lou: Not me. No one’s gonna jab a needle in my arm.

Bud: You must. Lou: Why?

Bud: To protect me. Lou: From the virus?

Bud: Yes. Lou: But I thought you said you were vaccinated.

Bud: I am. Lou: You’re protected?

Bud: Correct. Lou: From the virus?

Bud: Yes. Lou: So, I don’t need a vaccination.

Bud: But you do. Lou: Why?

Bud: To protect me. Lou: I thought you were vaccinated.

Bud: I am. Lou: And the vaccination protects you?

Bud: It does. Lou: So, I don’t need to get vaccinated to protect you because you’re already protected from the virus by the vaccination you already got.

Bud: No, you must get the vaccination to protect me from the virus. Lou: You mean the vaccination doesn’t work?

Bud: It does work. Lou: If the vaccination works and you’re protected from the virus because you already got the vaccination then it doesn’t matter if I don’t get vaccinated.

Bud: But it does matter. Because if you don’t vaccinated you can give me the virus. Lou: Let me see if I have this straight.

Bud: Okay. Lou: You got the vaccination?

Bud: Yes. Lou: The vaccination protects you from the virus?

Bud: Correct. Lou: So, it doesn’t matter if I don’t get the vaccination because you’re already protected from the virus?

Bud: No. Lou: Are you telling me the vaccination doesn’t work?

Bud: No, I’m telling you the vaccination does work. Lou: Then why must I get the vaccination?

Bud: To protect me from the virus. Lou: This doesn’t makes any sense.

Bud: But it does make sense. Why don’t you understand? Besides, you are required to get the vaccination, whether you like it or not. Lou: What?

Bud: Everyone in America must get the vaccination. Lou: Everyone?

Bud: Everyone. Except for a few people. Lou: Who?

Bud: Members of Congress. Lou: Members of Congress?

Bud: Yes. Lou: You’re telling me everyone in America must get the vaccination except Members of Congress?

Bud: And their staff. Lou: Their staff don’t have to get the vaccination?

Bud: Nope. Lou: Why are Members of Congress and their staff exempt?

Bud: Because the president needs Congress to pass his spending bills. Lou: Oh, it’s a political favor.

Bud: Of course, it is. Lou: So, everyone in America must get the vaccination except Members of Congress and their staff?

Bud: And postal workers. Lou: What? Postal workers don’t have to get the vaccination?

Bud: That is correct. Lou: I’m sure I don’t want to know, but please tell me why.

Bud: Because the postal workers union endorsed the president. Lou: Their exemption was not based on a medical reason?

Bud: No. Lou: Not based on science?

Bud: Not hardly. Lou: The decision is based on who voted for which candidate?

Bud: Now, you get it! Lou: The president gets to decide who must get vaccinated and who doesn’t?

Bud: Yes. Lou: Not a doctor, but the president decides?

Bud: That is correct. Lou: Where does the president get his medical advice?

Bud: Probably from his wife. Lou: Is she a doctor?

Bud: Yes. Lou: That’s a relief.

Bud: But not a medical doctor. Lou: She’s not a medical doctor?

Bud: No. Lou: How many kinds of doctors are there?

Bud: Lots. Lou: What kind of doctor is she?

Bud: E.D. Lou: She has erectile dysfunction?

Bud: No. She has a doctorate in ED. Education. Lou: She’s a school teacher?

Bud: Correct. Lou: Do people call school teachers “doctor”?

Bud: Only her. And only on CNN. Lou: The bottom line is the president gets his medical advice from his wife who is a doctor, but not a real doctor. She’s just a school teacher doctor, right?

Bud: Fauci. Lou: Fauci? What’s a Fauci? Is that some kind of school teacher doctor?

Bud: Fauci is not a what, but a who. Lou: Okay, who is Fauci?

Bud: He’s also advising the president. Lou: Is he a medical doctor? Bud: Yes. Lou: That’s good news. So the president gets medical advice from his wife, who is not an actual doctor, and doesn’t know anything about medicine, and he also gets advice from a medical doctor. Does this medical doctor study viruses?

Bud: Yes. Lou: Great!

Bud: And helps create viruses. Lou: Huh? What do you mean?

Bud: Fauci is the guy who runs the office that gave money to the Chinese lab that created the virus. Lou: Fauci gave his money to the Chinese?

Bud: No, not his money. He gave taxpayer money. Lou: Taxpayer money?

Bud: Yup. Lou: So the American taxpayer paid to create the virus?

Bud: You, sir, are correct. Lou: At least Fauci told us he was doing this.

Bud: He did not. Lou: Nobody asked him?

Bud: Yes, they did. Under oath. Lou: And he admitted he gave taxpayer money to the Chinese lab?

Bud: No, he said he didn’t. Lou: If he swore under oath that he did not fund the Chinese lab then how did we find out he did?

Bud: We have the papers that proved Fauci did exactly what he claimed he didn’t do. Lou: Isn’t it illegal to lie under oath?

Bud: Yes. Lou: Is Fauci gonna be charged with a crime? Bud: No. Lou: Why not?

Bud: Because some lies are good lies. Lou: You mean like telling children there is a Santa Claus?

Bud: No, that’s an evil lie because it perpetuates the falsehood that a happily married, cisgender, white male does good deeds around the world. The good lies are the ones that support politically correct narratives, such as the Russians stole the 2016 election. Lou: Let’s get back to the Chinese and their lab.

Bud: Okay. Lou: The Chinese don’t like us, do they?

Bud: They do not. Lou: And this Chinese lab is the place that could create the material used in biological weapons?

Bud: Yes. Lou: Why on earth would Fauci give them taxpayer money?

Bud: For science. Lou: Let me get this straight. Vaccinations work because they protect us from the virus, but unvaccinated people must get vaccinated because they can give the virus to people who are already protected from the virus because they have been vaccinated, but the vaccinated can still catch the virus even though vaccinations work.

Bud: Precisely! Lou: And the medical doctor advising the president is the one who gave American taxpayer money to the Chinese lab that created the virus that led to the global pandemic and he lied about doing this.

Bud: Now you got it. Lou: Fauci must be the most hated man in America.

Bud: No, no. Fauci is beloved. Lou: This doesn’t make any sense. Who loves him?

Bud: Politicians, news media, Hollywood, big tech, and government employees who get paid to stay home during lockdowns. Lou: And the rest of America? The workers, entrepreneurs, first responders, farmers, tradesmen, factory workers, business owners, and families? Do they like Fauci?

Bud: Not in the slightest. Lou: Let me get back to this. Everyone in America must get vaccinated except for Members of Congress, their staff, and members of the postal workers union.

Bud: And illegal immigrants. Lou: Huh?

Bud: Illegal immigrants are exempt from getting vaccinations. Lou: They belong to a union, too?

Bud: Don’t be silly. Lou: Why are illegal immigrants exempt from getting vaccinations?

Bud: Because the president wants to immediately make them citizens so they can vote for him in 2024. Lou: Is any of this legal?

Bud: Probably not. … …

Mark Hyman is an Emmy award-winning, investigative journalist and author of "Pardongate: How Bill & Hillary Clinton and Their Brothers Profited from Pardons."

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